i am a postcard. i am a record. i am a camera.
it is eight thirty on a sunday morning.
there is a lot on my mind and
i think it's time for a meaningful post.
sva: i am nervous. i am excited. i was never one of those people who wants to "get out of this town" but the city is where i need to be right now. away from everything "highschool." i've lived a million places it seems, but when i think of home i think of flemington. i don't think that will change. i have a real fear of getting to school and feeling like i am mediocre at what i do. i know i am good. i know how much i love it. i know i am going to spend the rest of my life doing it. but the difference is, at sva, everyone around me will feel the same. i always think people are better than me and its going to bring me down to see how good everyone else around me is too. at rv, im one of the talented ones. at sva, ill be just another photo kid. i hope i will be able to handle it. don't let me forget how much i love what i do. "we don't need to drink blood to know what it tastes like."
highschool friends: lately i have felt more accepted by these people. the one who has stood by my side is gabbie. she is very good to me and i don't take it for granted. she is great to be around and really knows where her head is, which i appreciate immensely. she sees with her own eyes, never with those of others around her, which for most, it seems like its impossible. lindsay marcos and mollie have been nice to me, and have made me feel welcome lately, which is a very good feeling. i wish i knew if that was carried with them even when i'm not around. i know how much shit people talk and to be honest it hurts. i just don't know who to trust. i know who i need, and believe me i have them. but its hard because i never knew what i did in the first place to lose these people i cared so much about. cayce is very nice to me all the time. she never really stopped being nice, but from what i hear, its more of a thing that is only to my face, which honestly i dont understand because i remember how close we were and how amazing we felt in costa rica then especially spain.and from what i see, jenni just doesn't know how to be her own person, which isnt always a bad thing, but in the case of disliking me...it is. i wish people would think for themselves. especially in the case of this group of friends because i miss you all. and andrea, where'd you go? the road you've followed is, in my eyes, is not a good one and i hope everything works out for you. "i choose my company by the beating of their hearts and not by the swelling of their heads."
college friends: liz sergio and mike. you all have been so good to me and have never failed to make me laugh till it hurt. you mean so much to me and i know we don't see each other as often as we would like but this summer i expect lots of hangouts. you're all great to me & i love you for it. it hard since we all live in different places but i expect to see you soon and love every minute of it. "i wish the world was flat like the old days, then i could travel just by folding a map."
my best friend: corrie there are no words for what you mean to me. you have been my best friend, my sister, for so long now. our trips and adventures have been completely priceless. there is no one else i would go out of my way to call and just check up on. you are my other half. its almost your birthday and you deserve everything good that comes your way. you have been there every single time i needed you and nothing can replace that. i know you'll be the only one still there when i am wrinkly and smelly, and that to me is the biggest comfort in the world. "i'll look out for you till i die. till i rot."
my family: the only constant in my life. the ones to never give up on me. the greatest thing to ever happen to me. in all honesty i wouldn't be where i am today without every single one of you. i am forever indebted. "together in ties thicker than blood."
my love: i have never felt so safe or happy with someone in my life. you treat me like a princess and i appreciate and adore every little thing you do for me. there are no words to thank you enough for what you do for me. we truly have a love that people dream about, and i hope and believe it can last through the distance and the endless train rides. you have become a best friend to me, and we have so much fun together. i don't have to hide a single thing about myself and that is a first for me. when i hoped for something better i never could have imagined someone as amazing as you. corey, you are everything to me. i love you with all of my heart. "a thousand miles ain't shit to walk if i'm walking to hold you."
health: will the sun and weather get me out of bed before noon? where did all my energy go? always tired. always weak. my head won't stop hurting. i need to go for my allergy shots. i'm happy, so happy, i just can't get out of bed. "i know you're tired, i know. but what if this was your last day on earth?"
there are many good things coming my way and
i will make the most out of each and every one of them.
i will sing glory from a high rise. i will be set free.
it is eight thirty on a sunday morning.
there is a lot on my mind and
i think it's time for a meaningful post.
sva: i am nervous. i am excited. i was never one of those people who wants to "get out of this town" but the city is where i need to be right now. away from everything "highschool." i've lived a million places it seems, but when i think of home i think of flemington. i don't think that will change. i have a real fear of getting to school and feeling like i am mediocre at what i do. i know i am good. i know how much i love it. i know i am going to spend the rest of my life doing it. but the difference is, at sva, everyone around me will feel the same. i always think people are better than me and its going to bring me down to see how good everyone else around me is too. at rv, im one of the talented ones. at sva, ill be just another photo kid. i hope i will be able to handle it. don't let me forget how much i love what i do. "we don't need to drink blood to know what it tastes like."
highschool friends: lately i have felt more accepted by these people. the one who has stood by my side is gabbie. she is very good to me and i don't take it for granted. she is great to be around and really knows where her head is, which i appreciate immensely. she sees with her own eyes, never with those of others around her, which for most, it seems like its impossible. lindsay marcos and mollie have been nice to me, and have made me feel welcome lately, which is a very good feeling. i wish i knew if that was carried with them even when i'm not around. i know how much shit people talk and to be honest it hurts. i just don't know who to trust. i know who i need, and believe me i have them. but its hard because i never knew what i did in the first place to lose these people i cared so much about. cayce is very nice to me all the time. she never really stopped being nice, but from what i hear, its more of a thing that is only to my face, which honestly i dont understand because i remember how close we were and how amazing we felt in costa rica then especially spain.and from what i see, jenni just doesn't know how to be her own person, which isnt always a bad thing, but in the case of disliking me...it is. i wish people would think for themselves. especially in the case of this group of friends because i miss you all. and andrea, where'd you go? the road you've followed is, in my eyes, is not a good one and i hope everything works out for you. "i choose my company by the beating of their hearts and not by the swelling of their heads."
college friends: liz sergio and mike. you all have been so good to me and have never failed to make me laugh till it hurt. you mean so much to me and i know we don't see each other as often as we would like but this summer i expect lots of hangouts. you're all great to me & i love you for it. it hard since we all live in different places but i expect to see you soon and love every minute of it. "i wish the world was flat like the old days, then i could travel just by folding a map."
my best friend: corrie there are no words for what you mean to me. you have been my best friend, my sister, for so long now. our trips and adventures have been completely priceless. there is no one else i would go out of my way to call and just check up on. you are my other half. its almost your birthday and you deserve everything good that comes your way. you have been there every single time i needed you and nothing can replace that. i know you'll be the only one still there when i am wrinkly and smelly, and that to me is the biggest comfort in the world. "i'll look out for you till i die. till i rot."
my family: the only constant in my life. the ones to never give up on me. the greatest thing to ever happen to me. in all honesty i wouldn't be where i am today without every single one of you. i am forever indebted. "together in ties thicker than blood."
my love: i have never felt so safe or happy with someone in my life. you treat me like a princess and i appreciate and adore every little thing you do for me. there are no words to thank you enough for what you do for me. we truly have a love that people dream about, and i hope and believe it can last through the distance and the endless train rides. you have become a best friend to me, and we have so much fun together. i don't have to hide a single thing about myself and that is a first for me. when i hoped for something better i never could have imagined someone as amazing as you. corey, you are everything to me. i love you with all of my heart. "a thousand miles ain't shit to walk if i'm walking to hold you."
health: will the sun and weather get me out of bed before noon? where did all my energy go? always tired. always weak. my head won't stop hurting. i need to go for my allergy shots. i'm happy, so happy, i just can't get out of bed. "i know you're tired, i know. but what if this was your last day on earth?"
there are many good things coming my way and
i will make the most out of each and every one of them.
i will sing glory from a high rise. i will be set free.
1 comment:
how is the road i am choosing not a good one? i'm actually sort of offended that you would even write that on here, ilyssa. i'll talk about this with you somewhere other than the internet, but i'm actually on a good path and i'm very happy with everything i'm doing. two days ago you acted like nothing was wrong.
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